Madelyn Mae, Our Third Loss--- April 2009

I was ecstatic to find out I was pregnant again in January. I was just sure that this time everything would be okay. Since I had already had one "successful" pregnancy, my doctor was confident that my first two losses were just "bad luck." I was more guarded this time. While I wanted people to be able to share in my joy, I also realized that these same people would be forced to share in my pain if I had another miscarriage. I only told a few people and I swore them to secrecy. At eight weeks, I nervously went in for my first ultrasound. Sam held my hand the whole time. Without saying it, we knew we had been preparing for the worst. Then we saw the baby, and the doctor didn't have to tell me everything was okay because I could see her heartbeat! A weight was lifted. I had a 95 % chance of carrying the baby to term. I wanted to wait to tell people, but Sam had already told his co-workers. I decided to share my news as well. At 12 weeks I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time. We were finally out of the first trimester, but I was still guarded. At 18 weeks we found out we were having a girl! The doctor said she had passed her first physical with flying colors. For the first time, I let my guard down. We picked out the name Madelyn Mae and we announced our good news to the world. I even started window shopping for pink stuff. I couldn't help but walk down the newborn aisle and picture Madelyn wearing the little sleepers. I hadn't been that happy since the first time I held Micah.