Friday, April 30, 2010


It has been a while since I've written. I started this blog as a way to heal and tell my story. I continued to write because I think trying to conceive is hard, but trying to conceive after a loss is harder. I stopped writing because I found that I was obsessing too much on conceiving. It was almost like I needed to conceive so I wouldn't miss Madelyn so much. Now I realize that I will always miss my baby girl. I will always wonder what if. Today is her one year angelversay. In some ways I can't believe a year has past, but on the other hand, I can barely remember what it felt like to be pregnant with her. While it has gotten easier, I still hurt. We have stopped "trying" for right now. I am focusing on Micah and school. Maybe I'll get pregnant again--- maybe I won't. Either way, I will always have a spot reserved in my heart for Madelyn. I miss you baby girl.