Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Christmas Prayer

Dear God,

I know it has been a long time since we have really talked. It isn't that I've abandoned you; I was just so angry that I needed a break. I still don't understand why so many bad things have happened to me recently. I know you must have a plan for me, but quite frankly, I can't seem to figure out what it is. If you are listening, I have a few requests. I know the "Baby Loss Mamas" can't cut in the baby line, but is it too much to ask that when they do get a BFP, they get to carry their Rainbow to term? It just seems so unfair to suffer another loss after such a heartbreaking ordeal. I also want to send a special request for those who have been trying to conceive for a year or longer--- please let them cut in line. Really. I don't mind giving up my spot if that's what it takes.

I was kind of hoping for my Christmas miracle, but while I really do want to be pregnant, I understand if you want other things to be right in my life first. So--- instead of a baby for Christmas, could you give me peace? I hurt so much. Please God, take away this pain.


  1. What a beautiful, heartfelt post. *hugs* to you for a peaceful holiday and new year.

  2. I'm crying as I read your Christmas prayer. My Christmas miracle should have arrived on Dec. 2nd, but God chose he be born to heaven instead. And, forging through this time is difficult to say the least.

    Your Christmas prayer is beautiful and I ditto every word. May you come to know that peace that you long for and I pray that I come to know the same. I just want to wake up and not hurt anymore.

    What beautiful heart felt words, from an obviously selfless person :) Sending you love and prayers this holiday.


  3. So sweet of you to pray everyone esle.I hope you found peace this christmas. I also pray you have peace beyond the holiday season. Sending lots of love and hugs your way.

  4. Jess, this is beautiful and honestly I felt like I had most of this conversation with God while I sat in church on Christmas Eve.

    Thinking of you. *hugs*

  5. thank you for this prayer Jess.. I know I'm a few weeks late, because I basically disappeared from blogland/BBC/and most of the Internets. the part about carrying the rainbow BFP to term especially made me cry after my recent loss. I pray we have our "earth babes" soon.


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