A Mother's Love Never Ends

This post is a little off topic, but this seems to be the best place to share. I finally had some alone time today, and I decided to spend it cleaning. Crazy, I know, but sometimes cleaning soothes me. Well, I was flipping through CDs looking for something to groove to, and I came across a CD I made right after my mom passed away. I hadn't listened to it in years--- definitely not since I had Micah. It is a CD with some of her favorite songs and songs that just make me think of her. Anyway, as I was listening to her favorite songs, I realized how strong a mother's love is. I don't think I really understood how much my mom loved me until I had my son. It hit me so hard that I had to actually sit down and let myself cry. Even though we would like another child, I am so grateful I have Micah. For those of you out there who have not had the blessing of a living child, it is my hope and prayer that your baby wishes come true. It truly is a love like no other.

Control Freak

I am on cycle day 12. I decided to start charting my temps again this cycle so I at least will know for sure when I ovulate. Unfortunately, Sam hits snooze a million times in the morning and I think it is interfering with getting accurate temp readings. I decided not to go with the acupuncture thing this cycle because 1. I am afraid of needles and 2. I heard you have to go regularly to really benefit and I am just not willing to spend a lot of money on something like that yet. I am using the OPK again this cycle. I like that it gives me something to do in between Aunt Flo and the two week wait. I need to feel like I have some control since the part that really sucks while TTC is the loss of control. I will admit I am a control freak and a planner, and I really hate that I have no idea when or if I will conceive.

And So the Cycle Continues

The two week wait is over, but not in the way I would have liked. Aunt Flo paid me a visit today. I'm still trying to figure out the best way to approach this cycle. There's so much information out there that I am trying to process everything without going overboard. I am reminded of high school science class when the teacher explains how important it is to only have one independent variable. I guess that's the problem right now--- there just seem to be so many variables in trying to conceive. I started baby aspirin to hopefully ward off any clots until I am able to see the doctor to start my heparin shots. Then I read that aspirin may interfere with conception. To take aspirin or not to take aspirin, that is one of the many questions. Then there's the whole charting thing. It drove me crazy when I was trying to conceive with my son, but I'm considering starting it again just to make sure the ovulation predictor kits are working right. I'm trying not to stress or obsess too much about the whole thing, but it is hard when you want something this bad.

The Grueling Two Week Wait

In general, I am not a patient person. My son is able to bring out patience in me. When he was an infant, he cried constantly, but I didn't care. When he was one, I was still getting up two or three times a night to nurse him. Now that he's a toddler, he pushes the limits constantly, yet I don't mind. So when it comes to my son, I am extremely patient. When it comes to trying to conceive, I am not. The process of waiting is absolutely unbearable for me. I am usually fine up until the "two week wait" as those of us trying to conceive affectionately call the time between ovulation and when we expect aunt flo. I am in the last few days of my two week wait. A week ago, I could have sworn I was experiencing pregnancy symptoms. I have taken three pregnancy tests since then (don't worry, they were all from the dollar store so I'm only out 3 bucks at this point). Each one was a BIG FAT NEGATIVE. I am planning take another one in the morning. I am nervous because I should technically wait until Saturday. I am so scared of losing another baby that I feel compelled to test on a Friday when I can go in to see the doctor if by some miracle I get a big fat positive. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my waiting is almost over.